April 24, 2009
· Filed under Ammena's Journal, Gratitude
Assalamalikum,
its been a long time since Ive written on here. My life has been a constant upheaval lately but Ive decided that now is the best time if any to get this all down onto techno paper.
So you may ask, ‘ok, after all this time what brings you back?’ to be honest I dont know why I feel I should write this but I want to so I will insha’allah. I am always constantly grateful to Allah (subhana wa ta’ala) for everything he gives me, yes sometimes I question the constant tests Im given and wonder why I need to be tested that much. However, I have faith and I always remind myself that he wont test me with more than I can deal with alhamdulillah.
After moving back to UK from Canada last November I came back to no job, little money, no friends in the immediate location let alone any muslims… then as the seasons changed and the weeks grew into months, my uncle got very sick in Oxford. I had visited him since being back and when he went into hospital, because I wasnt working and because I was the one used to driving long distances (read: moved from Canada!) I was the one who drove numerous members of my maternal family from Liverpool to Oxford to see him. See him as he lost more weight, was put on a respirator, was given a tracheotomy, was out cold for days at a time, tried to pull all his tubes out, asked for his tubes to be pulled out… it pains me to only have these recent memories fill the lifetime of memories I have of him… but Im told thats normal and over time it will change. I still couldnt find a job as his months in the intensive care unit went from 1 to 2 to 3 and finally after 3 months in hospital his pain and suffering ended.
It was Wednesday it happened, and today after talking over an interview I had last week in the midst of getting calls for 2 separate interviews next week… I realised, if I get a job out of these 3, that it truely was meant for me to be here over this time for my family and for him. But then I feel guilty for not spending even more time down there with him than I had done.
So I suppose Im just grateful I was able to do all this for myself and my family.. and that Im still here to say this. I remember when he really got sick, I made duaa to Allah (subhana wa ta’ala) that if his eyes were to be opened to the beauty of Islam then to let him get better and make it through this. Obviously it just wasnt written for him. Allahu alim.
Thanks for ‘listening’
September 27, 2008
· Filed under Gratitude · Tagged technology
This may seem like a post not really designed for this blog or for this month but I am grateful for this useful bit of everyday life that would make research and contact so much more time consuming and difficult with it.
Let me explain, if you ever visit my blog (my other one) you will see I just posted twice with things I found in my inbox. Subhanallah… I have emails from 2003 when I first opened the account and had decided to save the useful bits of information that had been forwarded to me as a new muslim. I thank God that I did save them, and that I had the ability to, because every now and again I need something to pick me up, shake me up or generally slap me around to realise the beauty that I have in my life. And without technology, I would have that.
Can I get an ‘Alhamdulillah?’
September 15, 2008
· Filed under Uncategorized
Assalamalikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatahu,
insha’allah this post finds you all in good spirits with a high iman. This is my first post on this blog after reading through some of the well writing posts here and feeling that my writing really isn’t up to as good a standard as the other contributors here. Now I feel maybe it was because I didn’t have the right feeling within me for gratefulness to Allah (subhana wa ta’ala) to write about. Yes I am grateful for everything but that doesnt mean I have topics of inspiration to write about.
Alhamdulillah yesterday I got this feeling. After hearing so much about hurricane Ike in the news recently, and all those people who have been affected by probably the biggest hurricane so far this season, it was on my mind. Here in Ontario we had been told that we would be feeling the last ruminant’s of the hurricane in the form of heavy prolonged rain and winds. I was on my way to the mosque for taraweeh when the winds started, the rain had already fallen a little but not the 9 inches predicted alhamdulillah. I could feel it rattling my car as I drove down the road to the mosque that has taken me in for every problem I have encounted here in my little town. I got out and had to calm my skirt as the wind sent it flying everywhere including in my path to nearly trip me up as I walked up the steps as isha was being played over the loudspeakers in the car park. I got up there late and caught up in time to pray taraweeh from the beginning alhamdulillah and soon got into the swing of things. I have noticed that recently my posture has become bad when I have been standing for long so I have tried my best to rectify this during salah. We prayed 2, then another 2, I needed water, was beginning to feel hot, bothered and a little woozy. Then on the 6th rakah I was reminded of the people affected by the hurricane when the winds blew around and through the open window.
This is what caused me to immediately send my thanks to Allah (subhana wa ta’ala) I was at that point grateful for us only getting the tail end in 2 senses of the word getting. I was grateful that we only got the tail end and nothing worse or in any way similar to those in the south of the continent. I was grateful for getting it and being shown it at a time when I needed the wind, I needed the reminder that there were worse things happening in the world than what was going on in my life.
Alhamdulillah,
thanks for reading
Ammena
NaksibendiMuslimah
Umm Layth
A'ishah
ammena