Grateful To Allah

Assalamalikum,

its been a long time since Ive written on here. My life has been a constant upheaval lately but Ive decided that now is the best time if any to get this all down onto techno paper.

So you may ask, ‘ok, after all this time what brings you back?’ to be honest I dont know why I feel I should write this but I want to so I will insha’allah. I am always constantly grateful to Allah (subhana wa ta’ala) for everything he gives me, yes sometimes I question the constant tests Im given and wonder why I need to be tested that much. However, I have faith and I always remind myself that he wont test me with more than I can deal with alhamdulillah.

After moving back to UK from Canada last November I came back to no job, little money, no friends in the immediate location let alone any muslims… then as the seasons changed and the weeks grew into months, my uncle got very sick in Oxford. I had visited him since being back and when he went into hospital, because I wasnt working and because I was the one used to driving long distances (read: moved from Canada!) I was the one who drove numerous members of my maternal family from Liverpool to Oxford to see him. See him as he lost more weight, was put on a respirator, was given a tracheotomy, was out cold for days at a time, tried to pull all his tubes out, asked for his tubes to be pulled out…  it pains me to only have these recent memories fill the lifetime of memories I have of him… but Im told thats normal and over time it will change. I still couldnt find a job as his months in the intensive care unit went from 1 to 2 to 3 and finally after 3 months in hospital his pain and suffering ended.

It was Wednesday it happened, and today after talking over an interview I had last week in the midst of getting calls for 2 separate interviews next week… I realised, if I get a job out of these 3, that it truely was meant for me to be here over this time for my family and for him. But then I feel guilty for not spending even more time down there with him than I had done.

So I suppose Im just grateful I was able to do all this for myself and my family.. and that Im still here to say this. I remember when he really got sick, I made duaa to Allah (subhana wa ta’ala) that if his eyes were to be opened to the beauty of Islam then to let him get better and make it through this. Obviously it just wasnt written for him. Allahu alim.

Thanks for ‘listening’